Embrace your self-worth on the journey to becoming the woman with ambition

Remember a time when you cut yourself in the hand while cooking, and you started to bleed. What did you do?  You likely got a band-aid and took care of your wound. Or perhaps you fell and injured yourself and was forced to take some time and rest and heal.

When a toddler or little kids hurt themselves, as parents we care for their wounds, and we reassure them with love and compassion.

Why is it that when we have emotional wounds, most of us do the opposite? Perhaps we attempt to suppress the pain of our emotional wounds. Maybe we turn the pain into  suffering and feel our heart aching or chest grasping for air, much longer than necessary. May you project your suppressed emotions onto others, as going within feels much scarier than to lash out into our environment and onto other people.  Or you find yourself numbed from feeling  any pain because it has become so familiar.

 

Embracing your self-worth requires healing Your emotional wounds so that you can come from a place of worth. But how do these wounds form? How do they develop?

Between the age of 0 – 7 years old, your formative years, is when your subconscious mind is formed. All of your neural networks are being connected, and you learn how to give meaning to your experiences based on the people you are surrounded with the most in your environment.

For example, I used to have a severe spider phobia. Somewhere in my childhood, my mother screamed from the top of her lungs when she saw me with a spider. That created an intense negative emotion coupled with my perception of the situation, I developed a trauma in the brain when It comes to spiders. Meaning, from that moment on I had intense negative reactions to spiders and developed a spider phobia.

Another example is low levels of worth was also modelled to me as a young girl. Unfortunately, my mother suffered from generational low levels of self-esteem and did not feel worthy in many areas of her life. She was, and still is, one of the most resilient and beautiful women I know. But life has tested her character through pain and suffering early on in her childhood. So, the behaviours I learned in my subconscious mind were ones of low levels of self-worth.

Now, don’t get me wrong—we all have mommy and daddy issues, so don’t go blaming your parents. They did the best they knew how with the information they had at the time. Forgiveness is the highest form of freedom as you accept that what happened, has happened, the way it happened without wanting it to be different. This frees up your energy to build your future with new energy and leave the past with wisdom.

People do what they do based on who they are and the information they have at the time – Iyanla Vanzant.

Embracing your self-worth requires using new mental filters with how you view yourself. It requires taking stock about your beliefs that you grew up with about how to show up in life. And it requires becoming aware of your unconscious bias about yourself and about what you deserve in life.

 

Here are three ways to get you going.

Turn the familiar into the unfamiliar and vice versa 

 

Let’s say that you subconsciously don’t feel worthy of a pay raise. Consciously, you totally feel worthy because your work speaks for itself, you always show up, and you put in much more than required. But at the same time, there is this lingering voice in the back of your mind telling you that you don’t deserve it. Listing all the things why they will never agree to a pay raise and why you should not ridicule yourself. This creates an energy field of resistance within you, as the opposing beliefs keep you stuck in a way. One familiar belief of not feeling worthy ignites negative emotions, and the other unfamiliar belief of being paid your worth triggers positive emotions. The problem is that you can’t feel both type of emotions at the same time—hence the energy field of resistance.

Journal your beliefs with curiosity 

 

Once you have identified your familiar beliefs which no longer serve you, make a list and write the heading : FAMILIAR. List all the beliefs that come to mind which cause an energy field of resistance. For example, I am not worthy of a loving and healthy relationship. I am not experienced enough and no one will take me seriously. I am not as good as person x or y.  Don’t judge yourself in this process, be objective and apply curiosity. It is absolutely normal for past and stuck emotions to surface. There are no right or wrong feelings, but you have to feel it to heal it.

Now that you have a list of familiar behaviours, make a list of unfamiliar behaviours.

  • What is the opposite of not feeling worthy of loving and healthy relationships for you?
  • What is the opposite of not feeling adequate because of comparison for you?
  • What is the opposite of feeling less than someone else with more experience for you?

 

Pay attention to how you feel when you identify your unfamiliar beliefs. If they trigger negative emotions, then those are probably still a spin-off from the familiar beliefs. Once you completed both lists, now you can begin to make the familiar unfamiliar and the unfamiliar familiar.

Be compassionate with yourself 

It is pretty ironic how we would never talk down  to or use words to hurt small kids. But when it comes to ourselves, we use words that cut deep into our hearts and soul. Why is that? 

There are many reasons, both scientific and biological. One of the reasons is because of your unhealed wounds from childhood. The emotions get stuck in our body if we don’t feel them, so we can heal them. Emotions are energies in motion. The more suppressed emotions, the more they will persist and come out eventually. One way in healing your wounds is becoming aware of your habitual thinking and your inner dialogue. Don’t judge yourself, but instead learn to practice self compassion. Just as if you were speaking to your three-year-old version. That version is still present within you. Re-parenting our inner child requires love and compassion.

I hope these three strategies can give you a kick-start on your journey to embrace your self-worth. Remember that it is a journey, so don’t be too hard on yourself.

 

 

Make sure you follow my podcast on Building Emotional Firewalls for women with ambition available at Spotify, and soon in more of your favourite podcast places!

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